Sunday, January 15, 2012

Pangkor trip

14th of December in year 2011, that day will be embedded into my mind forever.
It was a vacation, for form 5 students, organized personally by my friends. 30 people from different classes of SMK Kepong joined the fun, it was a pretty successful one since everyone was friendly enough to speak and joke around lol. It was my first visit in Pangkor Island, in fact, my first time ever being in an island for 3 days.

Well, for the sake of fun, I brought some champagnes and red wine, unfortunately all of the red wines were cheap and had been stored too long in my house. One still had 50% of its flavor mixed with an odd flavor. Well, we still had beers and champagnes anyway lol. I didn't want to waste the red wine they left so I drank almost half bottle of it, and it made me drunk. -_-

But beers, I didn't know I can actually drink that much of beer and still remain conscious. Four cans, one in a day and three in another. It was supposed to be only three cans, but I challenged my friend Zi Wen into a beer drinking match, in the end, we stopped and nobody won, because we had to pay RM6 for each can of beer lol.

Freedom man, FREEDOM. (will cont tmr)

Thursday, December 29, 2011

2 posts in one shot

I've got lots of stories to tell.
One would be my trip in Pangkor, the others would be about my life after my trip.
Stay tuned folks!

Thursday, December 8, 2011

Dignity, Dreams, Love

I am officially free from my secondary life.
A few months ago I started dating a girl. Then, we broke up. One month ago I was still having my SPM examination. And now I've passed the crucial period and gotten better with life. And a few days later, I'm going to have my holiday trips.

Time goes by so fast. And now, I have to make my own decision. Decision in courses to take, decisions in hobbies to master, decisions in goals to achieve.

Yet I'm still procrastinating. I've been playing games non-stop for 3 days already. And when it comes to playing game, I can spend my time sitting in front of the computer for hours, just gaming endlessly. And there goes my mind telling me to stop gaming and get a life.

And here comes the good part, what exactly is life to everyone of us?
Sometimes in Dota games, I see arguments like "Why so serious? It's just a game. Get a life man." And if someone tells me that, I'll be so disappointed lol, even if he's a stranger to me. But then it's actually something good, as most gaming communities are rude. Dude, I don't even know you, who freaking cares even if I curse your mommy? That's the way the gaming communities go, hahaha... Even I would go rage cursing someone's family, fortunately I rarely do it lol.

BUT HEYYYY, it's hella different from the communities of social networking like Facebook! Well I don't know too. Maybe it's because in games, we don't know how you look like.. Ah, yes, looks. In Facebook, we wouldn't even want to add you if we don't know how you look. But err, looks aren't really necessary, it's just a better impression for the first sight.

To get a life means becoming matured and interact with reality, unlike abstracts like Facebook or Dota. And this is how people determine a person's personality...... for now. I don't know man, I'm just feeling the cyberculture is growing immensely, for now I'm just commenting without knowledge, ya know, just like everyone has his or her own point of views.

Ahhhhhh.... I wanna stay at home playing games whole day every day this week. Since I'm single and free now, I should get as much fun as possible. Too bad it's to be only one week. Do you know why I'm doing this only for a week? It's because of fear, the fear of discrimination. I hate one who discriminates, yet people like these exist around me. Oh yeah, and it's in terms of money too. My friends think I'm super duper rich but my parents are only having incomes which are a little above average. And in the end I'm being discriminated in both sides, the ones
who think money dominates and the ones who think I'm just a ruined rich guy. Discrimination can be in terms of anything, skills, knowledge, intelligence, money and every single thing you are not adept at. Even in games, you would be discriminated by players who are better than you. And getting yourself pissed off in such situations isn't necessary at all.

How not to get yourself discriminated and let others see you as an useful person? Learn something and master it. It doesn't need to be a variety of them, just one would be enough lol. You don't need to be the best too, as long as you're good enough, it's enough lol. Just take those elegant rich fucks who don't even know how to respect a person as a joke and laugh at them all day long with some mates. Yeah, I'm being pretty rude here lol. But people who disrespect you just because they're so rich are retarded.

I was discriminated by my sister's boyfriend, not all the time, but sometimes lol. Just because I'm lazy to build up my body and get a hobby. And yeah, the way he insults, is really really really hurting. It's like you're too dumb to compete with others. I cried silently when he said those heartbreaking words. I never expected someone close with me to say something like that to me at all. I'm already used to hearing it, albeit it still hurts to hear that. I never really blamed him, because it was really my laziness. And I won't blame him for his words too, because his life is so different with mine. Becoming a doctor was never his dream, he became one for the sake of a stable living, which results him becoming frustrated when he has to stay up for a night in the hospital. Ya know what, it's all about hard work and laziness which determines one's ability to reach his or her dreams.

My dream? Mine was pretty simple. I only wished for a stable life and a happy family.
Pretty lame eh? You'd never expect a guy's dream to be this simple. But love changed me, it made me wanna prove her wrong. And it's pretty obvious who I am referring to, I have only two exes now. It's either this one or that one, so go figure up yourself lol. Love becomes hate, and hate becomes love, this is my hint for you readers out there. :P

I'm trying to convey that love fully depends on each person's attitude. For instance, I wanna break up with you just because you are an emotional person. Then you wanted to question me about my own attitude too. But you felt it was too cruel to do so. So in the end, we break up with the reason of your emotional mindset. Have I ever considered of my own doings before hurting you with such harsh words? If both of us were understanding enough to change ourselves, the ending would be so different. A successful love relationship is all about enduring pain and trying to change each other to a better person without the thought of trying to break up at all. I'm talking about serious love relationship, not playful ones.

Personality is the one which determines people's affections towards you. Family, love, friendship, try observing the your relationship between you and them. Maybe it was your own selfish actions which had led them distrusted you. Maybe they're just retarded. But arguing back won't do anything good right? Enduring can mean forcing yourself to surrender at certain situations. And it all depends on what it is. I'm not saying you should give up fighting for rights and justice, but if the result is what we hope for, we too have to be willing to lose. We lose willingly, we win trustfully.

Damn, I've never been so far in one blog post, guess it's time for me to stop writing lol.

Alright mates, enjoy your holidays! (Only available in Malaysia)

Until we meet again, take care of yourself my friend.
Lucious Saw/Luke

Thursday, December 1, 2011

I am back

I am finally back to Blogspot.

This is like the 3rd time that I'm creating a blog in Blogspot already because I deleted my previous blogs.

A pretty sad thing to say, my previous blogs were deleted because of the continuous unlucky events that happened to me, break-ups.

I'm gonna do a simple labeling starting for now, bold and italic words are the really deep ones. (May contain emotional thoughts)

You must be asking, how is that related to giving up your blog then?
You know what, I wrote too much about my love life. And after breaking up, I couldn't let go a single thing at all. And every time I see my blog, it's like seeing back how I used to be with her.

In fact, love affects everything in you. Of course, not everyone will get the same effect as I did. I was too hurt that I wanted to restart everything. "Have you ever thought of someone you love would eventually leave you?", I was approached by this mere question in my mind almost every day after the break-up. The answer was no, but then it had to be yes.

My dream, was to get a simple hobby, a simple job and then a happy family. Everything changed right after the break-up. Every single time I heard her name I would feel the same heartache like when she requested a break-up.

And I overcame that hardship by reading memes in the internet, played computer games and listened to some songs at least 6 hours per day. Life was a total mess for me that time, I forsake myself from her friends, played truant, stalked her and didn't care about my study. I was too obsessed with her, way too much, and those were my darkest days in my life. I didn't want to care anything at all, I only wished to forget her.

She was the only person I could share secret with, the only person that I would report about my daily life to.

I took everything too seriously, I even thought of a way to propose to her in the future.
I shall stop revealing too much here, it's no good anyway.

The ending is pretty simple, I fucked up in my 17th year lol.

But I'm back for a reason, I hope to achieve my dream, becoming an author or even a philosopher if possible. I'm just gonna write my story or even my ideas for now. Until I improve my English grammar by reading books, I will then start writing stories. I'm only taking this as an hobby for now, not really a dream yet, as I am not too confident with my current situation. And when I become popular, I wanna tell everyone my story! This includes friends, love, family and trust.

And I still have my guitar in my room, I even bought an electric one. My dream for becoming a rock star hasn't fade away yet, but it seems impossible to become one lol, I guess I'll only play it as a hobby. Meh, who knows, I might even get to write songs lol.

It's 3 days before my account test, and it's the last subject for me. I'm a few days ahead of stepping into the social part of life. My friends, ahhh, some going to overseas for a better future, some stay for a easier life. Life really is fast, I'm sure I'll be able to attend a friend's wedding in no time.

Until we meet again, take care of yourself my friend.
Lucious Saw/Luke